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Latest News 26 / 02 / 2023 20 / 11 / 2022 13 / 11 / 2022 30 / 10 / 2022 23 / 10 / 2022 09 / 10 / 2022 02 / 10 / 2022 I've slightly changed the weightings of Alfa/Alpine/Haas to reflect their current performance. 11 / 09 / 2022 04 / 09 / 2022 28 / 08 / 2022 31 / 07 / 2022 24 / 07 / 2022 10 / 07 / 2022 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 03 / 07 / 2022 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 20 / 06 / 2022 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 12 / 06 / 2022 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. I've slightly increased the weightings of the Mercedes pair as their woes seem to be continuing. 29 / 05 / 2022 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 22 / 05 / 2022 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 10 / 05 / 2022 24 / 04 / 2022 I've slightly reduced the weightings of Norris / McLaren because they're doing particularly well at the moment. 10 / 04 / 2022 27 / 03 / 2022 I decided not to change the weightings again for now. Let's see how the next couple of races go. 20 / 03 / 2022 I have made some quick changes to the weightings - Haas seem much stronger than I expected and McLaren/Aston much weaker. I might tweak them again after Saudi. 13 / 03 / 2022 12 / 12 / 2021 05 / 12 / 2021 21 / 11 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 14 / 11 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 07 / 11 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 24 / 10 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 26 / 09 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 26 / 09 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 12 / 09 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 05 / 09 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 29 / 08 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 01 / 08 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 18 / 07 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 15 / 07 / 2021 04 / 07 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 27 / 06 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 20 / 06 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 06 / 06 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 23 / 05 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 09 / 05 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 02 / 05 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed the first three races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 18 / 04 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed the first two races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. The weightings for Alpine have increased because they've been a bit shit. 28 / 03 / 2021 You can still enter a new team even if you missed the first race - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. 21 / 03 / 2021
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DOA: Dead or Alive
DOA: Dead or Alive. The first hint is right there, in the title. WE KNOW WHAT DOA MEANS! That's because we're not in the target demographic. We're not twelve.
DOA: Dead or Alive is your typical movie-from-a-video-game. All looks and no lunch, it bores after the first ten minutes and fails to improve. Sneak your little brother in and he'll love you forever - drag your girlfriend along too and you'll be doing the dishes into your retirement. I enjoyed this film: I think the average moviegoer will enjoy it: Testosterone Satisfaction Rating: - if there'd been some actual tits in it, it would've got a 5. To enjoy this film you should be: young, male and as horny as possible.
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Your commentsThe comments printed here are not necessarily the views of Forwardcharm!
OK, let's start by reminding everyone that this is based on a computer game and is not to be taken seriously.
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I think you'll have already guessed that DOA is a great steaming pile of elephant dung, otherwise I wouldn't have brought
out the block capitals already. You're right, and very perceptive for noticing, if I may say so. DOA is a smorgasbord of
ideas nicked from kitsch and crap movies, ranging from Enter The Dragon (kitsch) through AWOL (crap) to Street Fighter
(both). Oh, and Charlie's Angels, which I quite liked but everyone else derided. DOA tries and fails to capture the fun of
Angels, relying instead exclusively on lascivious and lingering shots of the bright young things' bikini-clad wobbly bits.
Now I'm a big fan of that, don't get me wrong, but I do like it to be surrounded by some kind of competent movie - and this
movie is as competent as Tim Lovejoy's Fifth Gear debut.
For the right audience, DOA is probably a dream come true. If you're twelve and just discovering what the wobbly bits are
for, and you've never seen the internet before, you'll be in heaven. But that's tough, because it's a 15 certificate.
Try as I might, I can't fathom the logic behind this. There's no nudity (we nearly see Holly Valance's boob but not
quite), there's no significant swearing and there's not a drop of blood anywhere. Why is it a 15? PG would've been fine.
Anyone older than 15 will start to notice the appalling editing continuity and the supremely silly wire work. The
characters fly around a la Crouching Tiger and 
The acting, it has to be said, isn't too bad. Jaime Pressly was a revelation in My Name Is Earl and she's really good here
too - who'd have thought this was the same woman who used to do soft porn like Poison Ivy: The New Seduction? Holly Valance
(from Neighbours and Entourage) is far better than I ever expected and even the supporting cast, which includes Coronation
Street's Matthew Marsden, is perfectly acceptable. Only Devon Aoki lets the side down a little - her dead-eyed stare was
perfect for deadly little Miho in
