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Latest News

14 / 04 / 2019
Fantasy F1:
The results from the third race in China are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Next race is Azerbaijan in 2 weeks. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 26th April.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the races so far - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going.

31 / 03 / 2019
Fantasy F1:
The results from the second race in Bahrain are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Next race is China in 2 weeks. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 12th April.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed the first two races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going.

17 / 03 / 2019
Fantasy F1:
The results from the first race in Australia are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Second race is Bahrain in 2 weeks. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 29th March.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed the first race - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going.

I've reduced the weightings for Alfa Romeo because they were stronger than I expected.

09 / 03 / 2019
Fantasy F1:
The 2019 season is now open for entries! You can change your team as often as you like so you might as well pick a team now while you're thinking about it. You can always read the rules later! You have until midnight GMT on Friday night (15th) to qualify for the first race in Australia.

25 / 11 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the final race in Abu Dhabi are in, and we have our winners! Check the results or see where your team finished.

We'll be back for a new season shortly before the real championship starts, in March 2019.

11 / 11 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the twentieth race in Brazil are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Just one race to go - Abu Dhabi in two weeks. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 23rd November.

28 / 10 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the nineteenth race in Mexico are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Only two races to go - next race is Brazil in two weeks. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 9th November.

22 / 10 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the eighteenth race in Austin are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Next race is Mexico NEXT WEEKEND! Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 26th October.

You can still enter a new team for the final three races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going.

07 / 10 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the seventeenth race in Japan are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Next race is Austin in two weeks. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 19th October.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going.

*** Some of the weightings have been tweaked *** for the final four races - check the league page for details.

02 / 10 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the sixteenth race in Russia are in! (Sorry for the delay - moving house!) Check the results or see where your team finished. Next race is Japan (Suzuka) THIS WEEKEND. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 5th October.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going.

16 / 09 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the fifteenth race at Singapore are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Next race is Russia in two weeks. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 28th September.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going.

02 / 09 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the fourteenth race at Monza are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Next race is Singapore in two weeks. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 14th September.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going.

26 / 08 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the thirteenth race at Spa are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Next race is Monza NEXT WEEKEND. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 31st August.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going.

29 / 07 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the twelfth race in Hungary are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. We're into the summer break now, the next race is Spa in four weeks. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 24th August.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going.

22 / 07 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the eleventh race at Hockenheim are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Next race is Hungary NEXT WEEKEND. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 27th July.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going.

08 / 07 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the tenth race at Silverstone are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Next race is Hockenheim in two weeks. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 20th July.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going.

01 / 07 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the ninth race in Austria are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Next race is Silverstone NEXT WEEKEND. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 6th July.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going.

24 / 06 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the eighth race at Paul Ricard are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Next race is Austria NEXT WEEKEND. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 29th June.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going.

10 / 06 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the seventh race in Canada are in, including the travesty that is Danny Ric not getting fastest lap. Sigh. Check the results or see where your team finished. Next race is Paul Ricard in two weeks. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 22nd June.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. Oh and by the way, half of us are being beaten by my girlfriend. So we might need to up our game a little.

29 / 05 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
Sorry for the delay! The results from the sixth race in Monaco are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Next race is Canada in two weeks. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 8th June.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going.

13 / 05 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the fifth race in Barcelona are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Next race is Monaco in two weeks. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 25th May.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going.

29 / 04 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the fourth race in Azerbaijan are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Next race is Barcelona in two weeks. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 11th May.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed all the previous races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going.

15 / 04 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the third race in China are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Next race is Azerbaijan in two weeks. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 27th April.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed the first races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going.

08 / 04 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the second race in Bahrain are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Next race is China NEXT WEEKEND. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 13th April.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed the first races - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going. It's worth doing - if you'd missed Australia and then picked the perfect team for Bahrain, you'd be in the overall lead now! Special congratulations to The Big G, who jumped from plum last to 3rd place, largely due to the inspired choice of Pierre Gasly.

Note the Williams weightings have been increased due to them being shite.

25 / 03 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The results from the first race in Australia are in! Check the results or see where your team finished. Second race is Bahrain in 2 weeks. Cutoff for edits is midnight GMT on the night of Friday 6th April.

You can still enter a new team even if you missed the first race - you'll get a late starter bonus to help you get going.

18 / 03 / 2018
Fantasy F1:
The 2018 season is now open for entries! You can change your team as often as you like so you might as well pick a team now while you're thinking about it. You can always read the rules later! You have until midnight GMT on Friday night (23rd) to qualify for the first race in Australia.

 

 

Closer

Closer Cast: Jude Law, Natalie Portman, Julia Roberts, Clive Owen.

Directed by Mike Nichols.

Story: A love quadrangle.

Running Time: 1hr 44 minutes.

Certificate 15.

 

Abandon hope, all ye who believe in the basic goodness of human nature, for here be dragons. There may be romance, there may be comedy, but this is no romantic comedy. To those seeking a fluffy feel-good date movie, I say, "step away, there's nothing to see here."

Jude Law and Julia Roberts, as if butter wouldn't melt. Dark, callous and ultimately fatalistic, Closer is the malignant study of the voluble relationships between the four leading characters. "Malignant," because all the players intentionally cause considerable pain to the others and "voluble," because none of the characters can decide whose pants they want to be in. Whilst the characters are superficially different, under the surface they are very much the same, wont as they are to slip between nice and nasty when events turn against them while single-mindedly following their own lusts at the considerable cost of the others. Stripper, photographer, doctor and obituary writer, they are all written with the same pen, as if they all represent a bitter experience from the author's past. This venom is most pronounced in Clive Owen, an overtly charming but deeply malicious cat-like man, who purrs adoration while on the up, only to turn into a spitting, snarling, feral monster when wax turns to wane. Jude Law plays to his lost-schoolboy strengths - women in the audience audibly sighed when we learned that he "wakes up calling for his mother". Julia Roberts is an unusual choice for this kind of role but she pulls it off, and Natalie Portman is believable as the particularly fragile stripper. And before you ask, yes, she strips, but no, you don't see the goods.

Natalie Portman, in stripper wig. Closer seems to be about opposites and balance - yin and yang, stasis and flux. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, every positive has a corresponding negative. Nothing stays the same, people and relationships are fluid and in a constant state of movement, yet still we resist changes. In the movie there's also a hefty chunk of resentment against the nature of humanity - the suggestion is that people are innately selfish and behave more like animals than a civilised species, the only difference being the degree to which we try and hide it from each other. It's a pessimistic but intriguing approach, and as we are accustomed to rooting for the "good" guys, we consequently don't care very much about the characters in Closer. Curiously though, we still want to see them get hurt and we take a kind of Daily-Mail-reader self-righteous satisfaction from watching them take each other apart. Or maybe that's just me.

Clive Owen, twice. Closer is an intelligent film, it's well made, well written and well acted and as such I'd recommend it to anyone with a grounded outlook on life. It's respectful to the audience, too. The viewer is treated as an attentive adult - the month-long gaps in the story are not heralded with a season change, they are just dropped in, leaving us to pick up on the clues in the dialogue. Thus it's not a movie to rent and leave on over the pizza conversation - you need to watch it and let it sink in. At times this isn't easy, simply because of the malevolent nature of the characters - but it's a side of life that we all face. If you can't see even a little of yourself in these people, try looking Closer.

I enjoyed this film: 4/5

I think the average moviegoer will enjoy it: 3/5

Testosterone Satisfaction Rating: 4/5 Natalie Portman's topless scene was cut (or made up for publicity), but she's still pretty racy in the stripper scene without showing any naughty bits. One use of the c-word, extensive gritty dialogue.

To enjoy this film you should: Have a healthy disrespect for human nature.